LeaV

Nothing earth shattering here folks.  I just got done watching the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie with my nephew, and I had a revelation.  I'm a 16-year-old boy trapped in a young woman's body.  Seriously, though, fart and poop jokes make me laugh uncontrollably.  If someone says "booby," I giggle.  Everything is a double entendre for me.  I watch cartoons.  I eat cereal out of the box and chug down the milk standing in front of the refrigerator.  I say "sweet" way too much.  I make devil horns a la Ronnie James Dio when anything pleases me.  I listen to heavy metal...way too much.  Yesterday, I ate cheese and frosting for supper : /

Now, I checked with my nephew just to make sure I wasn't offending him by making these broad generalizations about my revelation, and you know what he said?   "Sweet." 

Aside from that...maximum amounts of fun...double episodes of Aqua Teen, Metalocalypse, and Robot Chicken on Friday nights, and someone posted the retrospective documentary type episode of the Mighty Boosh on YouTube.  Sweet : )

Two Sides of the Fence

We are on two sides of the fence.

You want freedom; I say how.

You want peace; I say why.

You want love; I say who.

You want hate; I say what.

You want forever; I say where.

You want isolation; I say when.

€

This is the second task for the Word Play Group involving  "A picture is worth a thousand words,"and picking a picture and telling it's story. Once again, I've kind of done my own weird interpretation, and it takes off from the story I started in task 1.  You can read it here...(why, oh why, can't I embed these links)! 

http://lev011.buzznet.com/user/journal/1929271/task-1effortless-word-play-group/

In this part, a new character is introduced and meets the original character for the first time.  She does, however, stare up at a picture, and her words foreshadow what will become of the meeting between these two.  Now, that's all I'll say.  Enjoy (I hope).

Eating Nightmares...Part 2

She sat motionless at the counter watching the clock not move.  It had been exactly one hour since she started her shift, and she was cursing herself for not bringing in with her at least some magazines or a book to read.  She glanced around at the store trying to find something other than the local paper or a copy of "Car and Driver" to read.  She had seven more hours to sit behind this damn counter, and time insisted on lingering.  

“Stupid fucking hell hole.”  She said aloud.  Who’d hear her anyway except for a few languishing rats and the flies that hovered above the rotating hot dog wheel.  Ah, who was she kidding, she thought.  What was there after this anyhow? 

Her eyes fixated on the “Dogs Playing Poker” picture.  What the hell was up with that picture in here anyway?  Why?  Why?  Why?  Wasn’t this white trash hell enough already?  Guess Johnny service station owner felt he wanted to class the place up a bit; however seeing as how he was some yokel high-school dropout, guess this was his idea of classy.  Yup, two dogs playing poker.  So ridiculous.  Dogs don’t play poker.  Yeah, right.  Dogs can’t sit in chairs.  She laughed a little to herself.  What drinks would the dogs have?  What would they be gambling for?  Would money matter to them?  What kind of snacks would they have?  I guess things really aren’t what they seem.  Dogs don’t play poker.  She snorted  and shook her head. 

Footsteps on the cracked pavement jolted her reverie.  Tilting her head, she noticed a man coming up toward the station.  He had dark sunglasses on.  “Jack off,” she thought considering it was almost midnight.  He seemed hurried and kept wiping his hands on his pants.  He stepped through the door and approached, and she never bothered looking up.

 “Is that it?”  she asked.

“Yeah.  Oh, and why don’t you gimme some Camel hard packs.”

“$27.31, she huffed.”

She looked up…slowly.  And there it was.  Was this it?  Was this finally going to happen?  She could barely contain her excitement.  She licked her lips in anticipation, because she had played this moment out so many times before.  She glanced up at that fucking stupid picture and smiled. 

“You know,” she began to say, “I’ve been waiting for you.  You’re sweating a lot.”

Ugh, can I tell you how much I loathe the new Fox game show "Moment of Truth."  For the benefit of those of you reading this who are not from the US or haven't seen this show, watch this clip.  In it, the blonde gal getting asked the lie-detector questions is the contestant; the cute guy with glasses squirming from the uncomfortableness of it all is her husband; the others are her parents and sister I believe.  Sorry, but I couldn't embed the video, and I started getting annoyed.  So, here's the direct link to this clip from YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzZWqYWhdQw

Really, I think it should be renamed "How Much of Your Dignity and Your Family's Happiness Are You Willing to Sacrifice for $$$$."  What a cheap shot at capitalizing on people's "dirty laundry" and said emotional upheaval that follows when revealing said dirty laundry just for ratings.  I mean, the least Fox could do is cover the costs of the therapy that these people are going to need after appearing on this craptastic game show.

Anyway, it got me to wondering.  You want television ratings?  You want game shows that inject a bit of reality and personal drama and heartache?  Fine, I've come up with a list of more appropriate game shows that I'd like to see for the 21st Century.

• "Political Plunderings"  In this exciting game, contestants are matched with a politician on the verge of career collapse.  Based on each player's individual politician's series of indiscretions, it's up to the player to guess (1) how many days it will take the politician's lawyers to devise a plea bargain before said politician resigns their office, and (2) what mental illness or addiction will said politician concoct to absolve themselves from the duty of taking personal responsibility for said indiscretions. 
• "Sell My Dignity"  (Based on the Fox smash hit "Moment of Truth")In this lively, soul-crushing, family-dividing game, contestants are offered the opportunity to reveal the most heinous, horrendous, personal tragedy stories to an unsympathetic studio audience.  The story that garners the biggest television series ratings boost wins a nominal monetary award but loses all dignity (and friends, family, and loved ones).
• "I Wanna Be Edgy"  Contestants in this game who crave to be edgy are given that very opportunity, but this show doesn't involve Hot Topic boutique-style clothes or multicolored hair.  In this game show, contestants wanting that edgy vibe to their personalities to make themselves more interesting are shuffled off to various inner cities (depending on where the contestant lives), given $25 and a slum house to live in, and are left there for one week to fend for themselves.  In this game, the contestant who survives, say, living in Cabrini Green (if they are from Chicago) or the North Metro (if they are from Minneapolis) wins.  Plus, you'll have some pretty cool stories to tell your friends. 
• "Can I Keep My House"  Contestants in this game are given a choice of three mortgage lenders to finance the purchase of their home.  Hilarity ensues when all the contestants find out they've all been given a subprime lender.  The object of the game then becomes what you need to do to save your house.  Winners in this game don't have to go into foreclosure. 
• "What's On My Hard Drive" You play this game by allowing our television cameras to come to your home and have our experts extract all of the contents on your hard drive.  You win if we don't find anything incriminating.
• "Feed Me To The Lions"  Contestants in this game are gathered up from online forums.  We look for those individuals who have hidden behind the Internet to hurl their *alsdjflas!sadk##@@*** contemptuous rude remarks at other unsuspecting online users.  Once we've found you, you are given the opportunity to come face to face with the people you've insulted and offended.  You win if you apologize and your apology is accepted.  Plus, we'll give you a T-shirt and a pat on the back for being a decent human being (and a monetary reward, but we won't tell you how much).
• "Run For Your Life"  Will give you the task of facing a group of rabid fangirls (and guys).  The object of this game is for you to criticize unrelentlessly their most beloved band of the moment.  We will then give you a 10 second head start to run for you life after we let the "fans" loose on you.  You win if you can make it to our safe house before the fans get to you or when the fans loose interest in their band of the moment (which shouldn't take too long).
• "What Can I Eat Tonight"  In this game, we'll give you $25 and drop you off at your local chain supermarket.  The object of the game is to buy enough food to feed yourself and your family for an entire week.  A second more interesting aspect of this game is buying food products that are not tainted, tarnished, rancid, or manipulated.  Winners of this game will get free groceries for a year and penicillin shots (just in case).

So, I just wanted to say that while normally I like to spend some quality time on here everyday or on the weekends, I haven't been able to these past several days.  I feel like a bad buzznet friend, because I've seen some wonderful posts and pictures but have been unable to comment or be very interactive (or in kassady's and chloe's cases, stalk their pages looking at pictures of England over and over again).  So, being the obsessive type that I am, I just wanted to say I'm only able to be here sporadically for the next few days and am just taking care of getting rid of some extra baggage (hence, title of journal); but once I tie up those loose ends, I'll be back to my normal.  ~Lea

And now for something completely different...

This made me laugh so hard...I was doing that silent laughing where you're laughing so hard that you don't make any sound. 

Oh, and regarding Gov. Spitzer...here are my two cents worth for the moment.  The minute some authority type or political figure tells me that they believe in reform and morality and are just too gung-ho about passing judgement on others...I bet they have a secret prostitution ring they're involved with...I'm just saying. 

Agent Smith to Morpheus, “Billions of people living out their lives, oblivious.”

One of my favorite movies happens to be “The Matrix.”  They played it this past weekend ad nauseum for some reason, and I watched it three times (at different times because nothing else was on).  Sure, condemn me that I could have gone out, lived life, flew a kite, whatever; but, it’s cold here, I’ve been sick, and this is me living life.  This is my down time, and I quite enjoy it, thank you very much.  Anyway, I’ve always had just a little bit of a problem wholly understanding this movie.  Lots of scholarly, yes scholarly, discussion ensued regarding the societal and spiritual implications of this film, but I won’t rehash it.  So, when I don’t get something, I put my own spin on it, no matter how far off the mark I happen to be.  My Matrix glitch has to do with things I see or hear that I think no one seems to take notice of.  They may be minor things, but I propose that the more we don’t take notice, the more we let things continue on as is, and I don’t like that.  Look at it this way; I see these innocuous coincidences as little bits of Agent Smith infecting our world.  Agent Smith wanted to destroy everything associated with the Matrix including humans whom he considered a virus.  He even states that we, “…move to an area and multiply until every natural resource is consumed,” much like a virus.  I further postulate that the more we let these little Agent Smith nuisances infect our world, the more likely we are to succumb to Agent Smith’s ultimate goal of eradicating everything.  Actually, I’m afraid of a world turning into “Idiocracy,” but that’s a different movie that I’ll rant about later.  So, like the Architect from the movie, I want us to not reject the Matrix but reject these Agent Smith nuisances to save ourselves and free our minds.  Notice glitches in the Matrix and rally to not fall victim or to raise your voice and stop them.

·         Glitch #1:  Maury Povich and every single guest who has appeared on a “Who’s My Baby’s Daddy” show.  It’s fine you want to know the paternity of your child.  It’s fine you didn’t have the cash to pay for the test yourself and have agreed to subject yourself to the humiliation of airing your personal toils and tribulations on public television to discover your child’s parentage.  However, will someone please, please, please tell Maury that instead of picking up the tab for paternity tests and to discover who the baby daddy is so that mom can collect support, that he should focus on educating some of these guests on birth control, that instead of vilifying only the males he should equally focus attention on the fact that the females are testing up to 20 guys and still not finding out who the baby daddy is, that the larger issue is not paternity but capitalizing on this section of the population’s misery just for series ratings.

·         Glitch #2:  American Idol rejects and losers.  If you can’t sing, you can’t sing.  Get over yourself.  Just because it’s been your dream since you were a young child, doesn’t mean that you automatically get to become a superstar pop singer.  If you don’t get on American Idol or you don’t get into the top 12, don’t collapse in tears wailing that you don’t know what you’re going to do now.  I got it.  How about going to college?  How about getting a great job?  I wanted to be a rock star when I was like 13.  My life wasn’t over because that dream didn’t come true.  Belly up, come down off your cloud, and stop thinking things are owed to you just because you want them and it’s your “dream.”

·         Glitch #3:  I overheard a young woman saying this when I was getting on the “train” (it’s a light rail transit system in Minneapolis), “I wonder how much this is polluting our environment.”  I don’t know, really.  All I know is that it’s electrified and that it reduces the amount of car fuel emissions because more people are riding the train rather than driving their cars.  But wait, if you’re worried about the pollution, why are you still riding?

·         Glitch #4:  Diet pill ads.  Stop it.  Stop insulting my intelligence.  Stop preying on people who are so desperate for a quick fix, easy fix, any fix to lose weight.  Stop trying to convince them that just taking this little pill will lead to wondrous results (while you steal their money).  And for gosh sakes, those before and after pictures, really?  I mean, I know my TV isn’t the greatest, but I can even tell you doctored those pictures.  Just stop it already.

·         Glitch #5:  People who were on reality television shows ARE NOT celebrities.  People who were on reality television keep forgetting that they are not celebrities, so they have to keep reminding us of the show they were on and that they are a celebrity.  No, you’re not.  You lived in a house with other people and made a fool of yourself.  I do that every day.  And, I do it at work all the time as well.  I am not a celebrity.  Even if they put me on TV making a fool of myself in a house with other people, I still wouldn’t call myself a celebrity.  However, if I had an actual talent and did something full of talent, then I might call myself a celebrity, especially if a lot of other people liked it and paid money to see me and my talented self. 

·         Glitch #6:  Barack Obama has a lot of platitudes but nothing said yet to back those up.  Thus, worry about him leading the country, please.

·         Glitch #7:  Identity theft.  If you steal my identity and get credit offers, let me know.  I’m having a hell of a time doing it myself (not necessarily a glitch in the Matrix.  I’m just asking).

I have more, believe me; but my little journal blogs tend to get really long, and I don’t want to put anyone to sleep.  I just want to know if others see these things and start to begin worrying about the future; but, not in a global warming type of way, but more in a dumbing down of society type of way (hence my reference to Idiocracy).  I’d like to hope that if enough of us get together to notice these things, we could start a new intellectual enlightenment revolution.  Anyway, I have to go watch my DVR-taped episode of American Idol.  Yeah, I didn’t say this intellectual enlightenment thing would be easy, even for me.  One day at a time.  One day at a time.