LeaV

“Egocentric malaise…

Esoteric, cosmetic, polemic…”  Totally stolen Wire style, by the way.  Not my words, but listen to the Wire.  He knows (well about 50% of the time). 

Yeah, so, I’m not into drama, either for realz or online, especially online.  I’m not going to philosophize here either…’cos Nicky’s (Nicky Wire that is) said it all well enough for me; because we all have egocentric malaise---and, if you’re sitting back right now thinking, “Ha.  Not me.  I’m creative and unique and an individual and blah, blah, blah,” well you have it so bad you’re delusional as well.

But, that’s not even the worst part.  The worst part is the “I’m not into the drama,” as I were, as I am.   The, “I really could give a flying fuck about who said what to whom and all the crap that follows.”  Because, that’s apathetic, and apathy sits back and takes it all in and still feels…NOTHING.  Yup.  Still got the “whatevers,” right now.

It carries over and permeates and stinks up everything; and people you think you love and care about…who loved your laid back, mellow attitude begin to wonder after awhile if you give a shit about whether they ever come or go.  They call, they text, they call and all to “Ho. Hum. Whatever.”

Then they just think you’re some weirdo isolative.  Then, you get mad because of that, but not in a good way, in a ‘the cops are here now’ way.

And, after all is said and done, and now what you actually feel is bad…you just climb deeper in.  Nietzsche once said,

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."

I’ve met my monster and as much as I want him to climb back down into  his hole…I keep inviting him back up…and he quite likes the sunlight, TV, humming electronics.  So, guess I’ll be by myself for a lot longer than I thought.

All the drama, all the egocentric malaise…understand it’s the cure for apathy and the fatality is the mundane. 

So, keep being real and vibrant and live with that egocentric sickness…’cos at least you feel something; but remember to keep your monsters at bay…know they live there but never invite them up for a spot of tea because when you start to stare at him for too long and know him----he’ll just eventually kill you.

Okay...so, yeah, whatever...wish I could get excited over something...later 

Here’s the deal.  Have you ever gone into the grocery store and your in a hurry and you get in line and the lines are pretty well equal, but you figure this person ahead of you looks pretty together, so you chose that line and just when you’ve made that commitment, the other line starts moving faster, much faster because that put together person (or so you thought) picked the only loaf of bread in the whole damn store that doesn’t have a price sticker on it.  Oh, okay.  Here we go.  Let’s make a goddamn production over the price of a loaf of bread.  You can’t switch up now either, because out of nowhere, a dozen people materialized out of nowhere in the faster moving line.  If it were me, I’d just say, “fuck it.”  And, I totally would swear. 

Anyway, I grew up in Milwaukee.  I’m a transplant to Minnesota…a stump jumper.  Really, it’s the best decision my family ever made.  No offense to my Milwaukee brethren.  I still go back.  I still have a bunch of family living in Milwaukee, but really.  I’ve anxiously waited since February for the Coen brothers to begin shooting their next film here this summer.  I was anxiously waiting to try out for a part as an extra or maybe even audition for a small bit talkie part; and now, they’re thinking of shooting in Milwaukee?  The minute I set up shop in Minnesota (where, by the way, the state where NOTHING is allowed) and absolutely fall in love with this state despite being buried under snow for six months out of the year, all the good shit starts happening in Milwaukee.  Once again, I’ve chosen the wrong line at the grocery store, metaphorically speaking. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I like Milwaukee.  I was raised there when I was a wee one.  I still have a favorite aunt and a bazillion cousins that still live in Milwaukee.  I don’t mind visiting, even though they live in an area where that pop, pop, pop I hear is not a car backfiring or firecrackers (as it is where I live now) but actual gunfire.  Oh well.  I do love Muskego…my grandmother lived there.  Racine, however, also scares me--too many random dead bodies showing up in fields.  But, seriously, they decide to do a movie based loosely, I’m assuming, on their lives growing up in St. Louis Park and scout locations in Milwaukee?  St. Louis Park---pretty, pretty.  Milwaukee…not so much.  And, really, Wisconsin has spent the past several months with Johnny Depp.  He’s filming right now around Mad City (Madison).  He may still well be there (I should totally spend my birthday going over there to see if I can find Johnny, because my birthday this year is a holiday).  Give your Minnesota neighbors a little piece of the action Wisconsin.  You had Brett Favre and the super bowl Packers.  What do we get?  Drunken Vikings.  You guys get fireworks!  We get freakin’ sparklers.  You have a Great Lake.  We have the Missi-sloppy-ssippi river.  You have Miller Park.  We’re still working that out here.  Anyway, the following article the appeared in the Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune sums up the problem pretty succinctly…money.  You gotta pay to play here in Minnesota, and we won’t back down ‘cos we’re bastards that don’t allow ANYTHING!  Nothing has been finalized yet…so, I’m still crossing my fingers. 

If you're curious, you can click this link to read the full story from the Star Tribune here in Minneapolis/St. Paul. http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/18498089.html